Police Raid Nabs Turkey--Hundreds Flee
One of the wild turkeys stopped traffic on Chicago St yesterday, and a concerted strike force of Naperville Police laid siege to the bird. Police cars screamed to the corner, and bemused officers took their lives in their hands and chased the savage gobbler. One copper was seen to be carrying some kind of lasso. The apprehended turkey's accomplices, however, fled to safe- houses all along Millcreek Lane. They seem to be unperturbed by their partner's trip to the Big House, the Ol' Stony Lonesome, the Graybar Motel. They are currently digging vast trenches in Luis Urrea's garden. Neighbors have reason to believe that the new, blood-curdling Hunter S. Thompson shrieks heard on the street are the two idiot birds yelling at each other when they get on opposite sides of a house. Now that the fattening birds have taken to sleeping on people's front porches, the neighborhood FBI agent might have to set up a sniper team. Politicians are expected to announce the turkeys are illegal immigrants and need to be deported to the golf course to save our borders. News at eleven.

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